Why Teaching Independent Sleep is a Game-Changer for Kids (and Parents)
- Lindsay Anderson
- May 28
- 3 min read
If bedtime feels like a never-ending cycle of rocking, patting, and tiptoeing out of the room, only to go through it all again in the middle of the night… you’re not alone. Many children are not yet able to fall asleep independently and require help from caregivers to get to sleep at night. The good news is- independent sleep can be taught. In this post we will dive into some practical tips for teaching independent sleep as well as the benefits of sleeping independently for both kids and parents.
Middle of the Night Awakenings
One common reason that kids wake up in the middle of the night is because they do not know how to fall asleep independently. For example, if a child falls asleep every night with their parent laying next to them, they do not know how to put themselves back to sleep when they wake up in the middle of the night and are alone. By teaching a child to fall asleep at bedtime with the same conditions that will be there in the middle of the night, many extended middle of the night awakenings can be avoided.
Quality of Sleep
Supporting a child to fall asleep often requires restrictive positioning (e.g. arms and legs tangled around you like an octopus) that lowers sleep quality. One study by the University of Maryland School of Medicine found that mothers who co-sleep with toddlers that have sleep problems may experience a loss of almost an hour of sleep and report symptoms of stress, depression, and anxiety. By teaching independent sleep, the quality and duration of sleep for both parents and children are likely to increase.
More Parental Freedom
When children fall asleep on their own, parents experience more evening freedom. They can get things done around the house, have leisure time or spend time with a partner when they don't need to be in child's room waiting for them to fall asleep. If you have decided to co-sleep with your child, teaching them to fall asleep independently may still give you extra time in the evening, even if you come back into the same room or bed later on .
How to Teach
Just like any new skill, we want to identify where the child is at right now and slowly make changes in the direction that we want to go- which is towards independent sleep. One way to do this is called "quality fading". This means that each night we fade our support further and further. For example, take a child that needs their parent to lay down with them, rub their back, and sing them a song to fall asleep. We will fade each step one at a time. The first night we may rub their back and sing, but not lay down. The next night we may still sing, but sit on the edge of the bed. From here, we can continue to fade our presence until the child is falling asleep by themselves.
When this process is done gradually instead of all at once, high-intensity challenging behaviors are less likely to occur. It can also be helpful to prepare the child ahead of time for what will be changing. To take the above example, we may say to the child something like "Tonight Mommy is not going to lay down, but I will still be close by to rub your back and sing". It is important to note that middle of the night awakenings may continue to occur until the child has fallen asleep completely on their own. If they do happen, it is recommended to repeat the same fading step that you were on at bedtime to support them back to sleep.
Final Thoughts
Teaching your child to fall asleep independently can be a game-changer for middle of the night awakenings, sleep duration and quality, and parental freedom. By systematically fading your presence over multiple nights and preparing your child for the change ahead of time, many challenging behaviors can be prevented. While quality fading on its own is enough to get some children falling asleep independently, other children may require additional sleep training methods. To see what options may be right for your child or client, book a free 15-minute consult below.
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