Using Motivational Interviewing to Talk About Sleep (Without Sounding Pushy)

I went to a conference a couple of weeks ago and attended a fantastic presentation on using motivational interviewing (MI) as a way to balance compassion and expertise during caregiver guidance. It really got me thinking — how often do we, as BCBAs, walk the line between knowing what could help and not wanting to come across as judgmental or pushy?

Sleep is one of those topics that can feel especially tricky to bring up. Parents are already tired, stressed, and often doing the best they can. So, how do we open the conversation in a way that feels collaborative, not corrective?

Motivational interviewing gives us a great framework to do just that. It’s all about evoking rather than instructing, helping families find their own motivation to make changes that will benefit their child — and their whole household.

The acronym OARS helps us remember the four core MI skills: Open-ended questions, Affirmations, Reflections, and Summaries.

Let’s look at how each of these can apply specifically to discussions about sleep:

1. Open-Ended Questions

Open-ended questions invite parents to share their story without leading them to a particular answer. They can help us understand routines, barriers, and values related to sleep — and often uncover much more than we’d get from a simple yes/no question.

Instead of asking:

“Does your child sleep well?”

Try:

“Tell me about your child’s bedtime routine.”

“What does a typical night look like at your house?”

You’ll not only get richer information, but you’ll also show genuine curiosity — a key component in building trust.

2. Affirmations

Affirmations recognize parents’ strengths and the small steps they’re already taking in the right direction. They reinforce self-efficacy and make collaboration feel like a team effort.

Some examples:

• “I love how you woke Johnny up at the same time this weekend — that consistency really helps his schedule stick.”

• “It sounds like you’ve worked hard to create a calming bedtime routine.”

• “You’re doing such a great job noticing what helps him relax before bed.”

  
  

Just make sure your affirmations are genuine and specific. Parents can tell when you mean it — and that authenticity builds trust.

3. Reflections

Reflections are your way of showing that you’re listening and understanding, not judging or fixing. Paraphrasing what parents share helps them feel heard and can gently guide the conversation forward.

Example:

Parent: “He just fights sleep so much, and by the time he’s finally down, I’m exhausted.”

You: “It sounds like bedtime has become really stressful for both of you, and you’re looking for a way to make it smoother.”

This kind of reflection validates their experience and opens the door to problem-solving together.

4. Summaries

Summaries help wrap up conversations and highlight motivation, progress, or next steps. They can help transition naturally into discussing behavior strategies without the parent feeling pressured, as well as ensure that there has been clear communication between speaker and listener during the conversation.

Example:

“What I've heard so far is that you’d really like evenings to feel calmer, and you’ve noticed that screen time before bed seems to make it harder for him to settle. You would like to come up with a plan to help him wind down in a different way. Tell me if I've missed anything.”

Final Thoughts

Talking about sleep with families doesn’t have to feel awkward or confrontational. When we approach the topic with curiosity, empathy, and collaboration, we’re more likely to build buy-in — and see real change.

Motivational interviewing helps shift the dynamic from “I’m the expert” to “we’re a team.” And when families feel heard, supported, and empowered, that’s when our science really works best.

Tired of tired sessions? Want to make real change but not sure where to start? 

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