Why Giving Kids Choices Can Make Your Day (and Theirs) a Whole Lot Easier

In today’s busy world, parenting can sometimes feel like a constant battle between what adults want and what kids desire. Parents often find themselves stuck in a routine that focuses heavily on instructions and rules. But what if the key to smoother days and happier children was as simple as letting them make choices? This small shift can create a big impact by boosting their mood and behavior.

Allowing kids to make decisions gives them a sense of empowerment and control. This can lead to more cooperation when it comes to following instructions. Let's explore the benefits of providing children with choices throughout the day and how this practice can positively influence their motivation, behavior, and social interactions.

The Power of Choice

Many research studies have demonstrated that providing children with opportunities to make choices throughout their day is correlated with a variety of positive outcomes. For example, one study found that students who are given choice-making opportunities are more likely to engage in appropriate activities and have positive interactions with peers, adults, and materials than do students who are not provided with choices (Strain & Hemmeter, 1997). Additional studies also found that providing children with choices not only increases their motivation and independence but also allows them to use and improve their communication and social skills (Shogren, Faggella-Luby, Bae, & Wehmeyer, 2004).

Everyday Examples

When children have a say in how they move through the day, their motivation can soar. For example, if you let your child choose between two shirts for the day, they will feel more motivated to cooperate with getting dressed than when they are only given one option. This simple decision can help them feel more in control, making them more likely to engage positively in other activities.

Think about daily routines, such as meals. Instead of saying, “We're having broccoli with dinner,” you can try offering the choice between broccoli or carrots. This tiny tweak can foster cooperation, as kids are more likely to eat vegetables they’ve chosen themselves.

If you ask a child to clean up their toys, they might be more willing to help if you give them options on how to do it. Suggesting they clean while racing against a timer or listening to their favorite song can make the task more appealing. This promotes the idea that cooperation can be enjoyable.

Choice and Bedtime

Providing simple choices can also increase cooperation with the bedtime routine. While parents should ultimately control the most important aspects of bedtime such as timing, sleeping independently, and boundaries around screen time, incorporating choices in less crucial areas of the routine can be an effective strategy.

For example, during the quiet play portion of the bedtime routine, you might offer your child a choice between reading a book or doing a puzzle. To increase cooperation with changing into pajamas, you might try giving them a choice of two different pajama pants.

If a certain aspect of the bedtime routine such as tooth brushing often leads to a struggle, thinking of ways to incorporate choice (e.g. strawberry toothpaste or mint; brushing teeth before or after bath, etc.) can be a good strategy for reducing challenging behaviors.

Tips for Implementing Choices

Incorporating choices into daily routines can be straightforward. Here’s how parents can empower their children effectively:

1. Start Small: Begin with simple decisions, such as what to wear or which story to read at bedtime. These small choices lay the groundwork for bigger ones.

   
   

2. Offer Limited Options: Too many choices can create confusion. Stick to two or three options to help kids be more independent in their decision-making.

   
   

3. Embrace Their Preferences: Sometimes kids may choose options that surprise you. Accepting their choices encourages autonomy.

   
   

4. Encourage Reflection: Ask open-ended questions about their choices to help them reflect on their decisions and think critically.

   
   

5. Model Your Choices: Share how you make decisions. Explain your thought process so they can learn from your examples and feel more equipped to make their own choices.

   
   

Final Thoughts

The parenting journey is filled with challenges, but giving children the power to choose can ease some of those daily struggles. Providing kids with choices not only boosts their motivation but also promotes independence, communication, and more cooperative social interactions.

It's not about giving children complete control over every aspect of their lives; it's about finding the right balance. Adding choices to everyday scenarios can create a more harmonious environment for both parents and kids. By starting today, you can transform your daily interactions in meaningful ways.

References

Strain, P. S., & Hemmeter, M. L. (1997). Keys to being successful when confronted with challenging behavior. Young Exceptional Children, 1(1), 2-9

Shogren, K. A., Faggella-Luby, M. N., Bae, S. J., & Wehmeyer, M. L. (2004). The effect of choice-making as an intervention for problem behavior: A meta-analysis. Journal of Positive Behavior Interventions, 6(4), 228–237.