There's No One Right Way To Do Bedtime

While it’s important for kids and families to get enough good quality sleep, how they go about it can look completely different depending on a family’s culture, schedule, and values. There’s no one “right” way to do bedtime, and part of our job is helping families create routines that are realistic, sustainable, and actually fit their lifestyle.

Here are three areas where we can help families think through what works best for them.

1. Where we sleep

   For some families, everyone sleeps in their own bed in their own room. For other families, everyone might sleep together in one room on mattresses on the floor. There’s nothing inherently wrong with co-sleeping as long as it’s being done safely within American Academy of Pediatrics guidelines and everyone is getting enough quality sleep.

   
   

What can be helpful is asking families how long they envision wanting to co-sleep. If the answer is “at least the next six months,” then that’s perfectly fine, and the question can simply be revisited at the next assessment.

But if co-sleeping is starting to feel like it’s reaching its expiration date, that’s where we can help families start making a plan for where they’d ultimately like their child to sleep and begin practicing short separations during the day to build comfort and tolerance gradually.

2. What the bedtime routine looks like

   A lot of times when we picture a bedtime routine, we imagine kids taking baths, reading bedtime stories, and quietly drifting off to sleep. But bedtime routines can look completely different from one family to another, and we want to take into account what’s actually realistic for that family’s schedule.

   
   

Maybe an older sibling has soccer practice that ends at 8 p.m. and half the bedtime routine needs to happen before pickup. Maybe the child is brushing their teeth and getting pajamas on before getting back in the car. That’s okay.

As long as the routine is relatively calming, somewhat predictable, and works for the family, it doesn’t need to look any particular way. Families don’t need to feel pressured to recreate a picture-perfect bedtime routine they saw online.

3. Screens or no screens

   Some families want bedtime to be completely screen free, while others really value that time when kids are occupied so they can finish chores, decompress, or simply catch their breath after a long day.

   
   

The current research suggests that actively scrolling or using handheld devices close to bedtime can push sleep later, but something like watching a calm movie or TV show before bed doesn’t seem to have much of an impact for many kids, especially if they can tolerate transitioning away from it without a major struggle.

Because of that, this is often more of an individual family decision than a hard rule. Families shouldn’t feel like they have to follow rigid screen-time recommendations if those expectations don’t realistically fit their lives. Instead, we can help them think critically about whether screens are helping or hurting sleep for their specific child and make adjustments from there.

Final Thoughts

At the end of the day, sleep support shouldn’t be about forcing families into one “correct” routine. It should be about helping them create an environment that supports healthy sleep while still honoring their values, culture, and day-to-day realities. When we approach sleep this way, families are often much more open to problem-solving because they feel supported instead of judged.