Goodnight, Monsters: 5 Ways to Ease Bedtime Fears
As children begin to develop an active imagination, nighttime has a funny way of turning completely ordinary things into danger lurking around every corner. In fact, studies show that most children (somewhere between 70 and 85 percent, depending on age) experience nighttime fears at some point.
As soon as mom or dad leaves the room, everything suddenly feels darker. A creak in the hall becomes a monster. A weird shadow becomes a dragon. The tricky thing is, sometimes the more we try to reassure kids, the more those fears seem to stick around.
Today on the blog, we'll talk about 5 ways to help kiddos feel less scared at bedtime.
Spend time in the bedroom during the day. For many kids, the only time they really spend in their bedroom is at bedtime. If that time feels scary, over time the bedroom itself can start to signal that something scary is coming. To counteract this, spend plenty of happy, fun playtime in their room during the day. Think favorite toys, time with mom or dad, or even letting them decorate a small part of the space themselves. Anything that helps them feel comfortable and relaxed in the bedroom during the day will get them closer to feeling comfortable there at night.
Practice bedtime. Bedtime fears tend to get worse when kids don't know what to expect. It can help to practice bedtime during the day first, so kids feel confident about what's coming before they have to do it at night, when it's harder. You can practice tucking them in and briefly stepping out. Kids can also feel in charge by tucking their dolls or dinosaurs in or singing them a lullaby. When they know the routine like the back of their hand during the day, they'll be better equipped to handle it at night.
Identify triggers ahead of time. Before bedtime, talk with your child about how our minds can sometimes play tricks on us and make totally normal things seem scary in the dark. Then point out something ordinary in their room, turn the lights out, and talk about how different it looks in a lighthearted way. For example, "Oh my gosh, I know that's a lamp, but in the dark my mind tried to trick me into thinking it was a witch's broom. How silly!" You may need to do this a few times with different triggers at first, and you can teach them a mantra to repeat, like "thanks, tricky mind," if they start to imagine things in the dark.
Make the dark fun. For most kids, lights out at bedtime is probably the first time they've been in the dark all day. Outside of bedtime, try some fun activities in the dark to help them get more comfortable with it. Think shadow puppets, glow in the dark stickers, or even a game to see if you can sit together in the dark for one minute. And remember, if your child can't handle complete darkness, that's okay. A small nightlight that doesn't shine directly in their eyes is perfectly fine to leave on all night.
Skip the "monster spray." It can feel like a quick fix, and for some kids it might really be one and done. But if you've been spraying or sweeping monsters away for longer and more elaborate rituals night after night, this strategy may be backfiring. The unintentional message kids can pick up from these nightly rituals is "mom and dad must know the monsters are real, so now I'm even more scared." Instead, try acknowledging and validating the fear without taking action on it. Something like, "I hear you're scared. It's okay to be scared. I promise you're safe," held calmly and consistently, goes a long way.
Bedtime fears are very common, and they usually aren't a sign that anything is wrong. They're just a normal part of how kids' imaginations and nervous systems work at this age. By helping them get comfortable during the day with the things that will happen at night, like being in their room, being in the dark, and going through the bedtime routine, most kids will grow more confident at bedtime over time. And on the harder nights, remember that simply acknowledging their fears and responding calmly and consistently can really go a long way.
Aji M, Xu X, McDermott EA, Metz M, Songco A, O'Gradey-Lee M, Lim CYS, Sicouri G, Parrish L, Hudson JL. Measures of Sleep-Related Fears in Children: A Systematic Review of Psychometric Properties Using COSMIN. Clin Child Fam Psychol Rev. 2025 Jun;28(2):439-457. doi: 10.1007/s10567-025-00526-6. Epub 2025 May 21. PMID: 40397330; PMCID: PMC12162706.
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