Harnessing Positive Reinforcement to Improve Bedtime Behaviors in Children

Technically speaking, reinforcement is a consequence that strengthens a behavior and makes it more likely to occur in the future. Reinforcement is one of the most powerful ways to change behavior. But what does this look like in everyday life? A lot of times we think of reinforcement in the form of rewards, such as a child getting a piece of candy for doing a good job at the doctor’s office. These rewards can certainly work, but there are also many powerful, naturally occurring social reinforcers that we are surrounded with all day long. By using positive social reinforcement with children, we can both increase the behaviors we want to see more of at bedtime, and decrease the behaviors that are interfering with sleep.

Examples of Positive Reinforcement

Let's look at some everyday examples of social positive reinforcement in adults:

• Every time you wear a blue shirt, you get compliments. You will likely start to naturally wear more blue shirts.

• Your boss tells you she really appreciates how you get your reports in on time. You naturally start to prioritize getting your reports in before the deadline.

• Your child gives you a huge hug when you say “let’s go to the park”. You will be more likely to suggest going to the park in the future.

  
  

  The same principles of reinforcement are true for our kids. When we point out the things they are doing that we like, they will be more likely to keep doing them. Here are some examples:

  
  

• “I asked you to get your shoes and you got them right away! That was awesome!”

• “I love how you held mommy’s hand the whole time in the parking lot. You are super safe!”

• "Nice waiting! High-Five!"

  
  

  Positive Reinforcement for Sleep Behaviors

  
  

  For behaviors related to sleep, we can use reinforcement during daytime practice in order to increase behaviors we would like to see at bedtime. Here are some examples:

  
  

• For a child that has difficulty being alone in their room, parents can practice briefly leaving during the day by saying “Daddy is going to be right back. You play here.” and then leave for a few seconds. Upon return, reinforcement may sound like “Wow you just played dolls all by yourself! You’re amazing!”

• For a child that has difficulty transitioning from playing with toys to bedtime, parents can practice asking the child to stop playing and do something else multiple times per day, such as "Ok. Please put down your truck now and come wash your hands." Reinforcement for this behavior may sound like "You listened to mommy the first time I asked! High-Five!"

• For a child that has difficulty calming their body at bedtime, parents can practice calming strategies such as breathing and stretching with their child a few times per day. Reinforcement for this behavior may be saying "Your body is so calm right now" and giving them a big smile.

Just like any other skill, providing reinforcement takes practice. Kids can always tell if it is genuine or not, so definitely tailor your praise statements in a way that feels authentic to you and practice in the mirror until you get comfortable! Over time, the more that children receive reinforcement for a particular behavior, the more likely they will be to engage in that behavior on a regular basis.

Download our free list of 21 Positive Reinforcement Statements for some ideas on building your child's cooperation skills using this powerful tool.