“Be Right Back!”: Teaching Separation at Bedtime with Time-Based Visiting

Helping a child fall asleep on their own can be a big milestone—and for many families, it’s also one of the most challenging. Whether you're a parent navigating bedtime struggles or a clinician supporting families, time-based visiting offers a gentle, structured way to teach independent sleep.

This method combines behavioral science with real-world practicality, making it a great option for children who rely on a caregiver’s presence to fall asleep.

🧠 Why It Works

From a behavior-analytic perspective, falling asleep is more likely when the environment is calm and consistent, and when sleep-interfering behaviors are minimized. Time-based visiting helps gradually increase a child’s independence at bedtime by teaching that short separations from caregivers are safe and manageable.

☀️ Start During the Day

To set your child up for success, begin this process when they’re awake and relaxed, not at bedtime. Here’s how:

1. Practice Separation During Play Choose a calm, screen-free leisure activity your child enjoys (like puzzles or books). Say, “I’ll be right back,” and step out for just 3–5 seconds. Return with a calm smile and resume the activity together.

2. Gradually Increase the Time Away Use a simple timer and slowly increase the duration of each separation (e.g., add 15 seconds each time), being careful not to stretch the interval so long that your child becomes upset. Your goal is to work up to 2 minutes of calm, independent play while you're briefly out of sight.

   
   

🌙 Bring It to Bedtime

Once your child is comfortable spending short periods alone during the day, it’s time to use the strategy at night:

1. Start with Bedside Support Sit on the edge of the bed for about a minute. Then say something like, “Oops, I forgot something—I'll be right back,” and step out for the target interval.

2. Build Up Gradually As your child tolerates each absence without distress, slowly lengthen the time you’re away. If a challenge arises (crying, getting out of bed), shorten the next interval slightly and build again.

3. Watch for Sleep Cues If your child falls asleep while you're still in the room, they may still wake up during the night. If they do, settle them and repeat the time-based visiting intervals again to maintain consistency.

   
   

⏰ Success = Falling Asleep Within 10–15 Minutes Alone

Over time, your child will learn that:

• They can feel safe and calm even when you're not right there.

• Falling asleep is something they can do—and that’s empowering!

The end goal is for your child to fall asleep within 10–15 minutes, without needing you to stay in the room.

💬 Final Thoughts

As with any skill, independent sleep takes time, consistency, and a lot of patience. But with structured support like time-based visiting, you’re giving your child a strategy they can use for a lifetime.

Whether you're a parent trying this at home or a BCBA coaching families through it, remember: small steps create lasting change.

Ready to find out what independent sleep could look like for your child or client? Book a free, no pressure consult today https://calendly.com/lindsay-restfulkids/free-15-minute-chat