Why is Bedtime Taking So Long?

Does this sound familiar from the families you support?

Parents report starting bedtime at 7:45, only for their child to still be awake at 9:15 after multiple trips out of the room, constant calling out, stalling, or escalating emotions. By the end of the night, everyone is exhausted, frustrated, and dreading bedtime the next day.

If you work with children and families, you’ve probably seen how common this is. Parent surveys show that bedtime resistance happens at least occasionally for the majority of children, with many families experiencing it multiple times a week or even nightly.

One thing many caregivers don’t realize is that falling asleep shouldn’t regularly take an hour or more. In general, a typical sleep onset is around 10 to 20 minutes. Once it consistently stretches beyond 30 minutes, it may point to a sleep concern worth addressing.

Long bedtimes don’t just impact sleep. They can increase stress, caregiver burnout, irritability, and dysregulation across the entire household. They also create long periods of unstructured time where behaviors like calling out, leaving the room, negotiating, or tantrums are more likely to occur and unintentionally get reinforced.

There’s also an important behavioral component happening during these extended bedtimes. When children spend large amounts of time awake in bed, they’re repeatedly practicing wakefulness in that environment. Over time, the bed can become less strongly associated with sleep and more associated with interaction, stimulation, or frustration.

For BCBAs supporting families, understanding the behavioral and environmental variables contributing to delayed sleep onset can be incredibly valuable. So what are some of the most common reasons children take a long time to fall asleep?

Screen use

One common factor is handheld screen use. Screen time within about an hour before bed can make it harder for children to fall asleep. Blue light can affect the body’s natural sleep signals, but interactive handheld devices like scrolling YouTube or playing games tend to delay sleep even more than television. These devices are designed to keep attention engaged, which can make it especially hard to wind down.

Getting the wiggles out at bedtime

Another common strategy is encouraging children to “get their wiggles out” right before bed. It makes sense, since it feels like running and jumping should burn energy. However, intense activity right before bedtime often activates the nervous system and increases alertness instead of promoting sleep.

Physical activity during the day is excellent for sleep. The key is timing. Moving active play earlier in the day rather than saving it for bedtime can make a big difference.

Transitions to bedtime

Bedtime often includes transitions, like cleaning up toys, turning off screens, brushing teeth, or putting on pajamas. If a child struggles with transitions, these moments can trigger tantrums or refusal. Any emotional escalation close to bedtime can make it harder for the body to settle down, which can push sleep later.

Inconsistent wake-up times

Another factor is inconsistent morning wake-up times. This is especially common when children wake up early during the week and then sleep in on weekends. Our brains thrive on consistency. When wake times vary a lot, the body’s internal clock can become confused, and bedtime sleepiness may not show up when expected.

Keeping wake-up times consistent, even on weekends, helps the body predict when it should feel tired.

Late or long naps

Finally, naps can play a big role. Our bodies build something called sleep pressure throughout the day. The longer we're awake, the more sleep pressure builds, and the sleepier we feel. In younger children, sleep pressure builds quickly. As children get older, they need longer stretches of wake time to feel sleepy again.

If naps happen too late in the afternoon or last too long, they can reduce sleep pressure and push bedtime much later than intended.

Final Thoughts

If the families you support are struggling with bedtime battles, they are far from alone. Delayed sleep onset is incredibly common, and there are real biological, environmental, and behavioral factors that can make falling asleep difficult for children.

The good news is that small, consistent changes can have a meaningful impact. Helping caregivers understand what may be contributing to long bedtimes is often the first step toward more successful evenings, improved sleep, and less stress for the whole family.

Next week, we’ll break down five practical strategies BCBAs can share with families to help support faster sleep onset and smoother bedtimes